Archive | May 2006

I don’t know what happened to the man I married

On Feb 25th, if you had asked me about my marraige, I would have said it was solid. Things weren't perfect, but I was confident that we would work out our problems. I married a man I thought was my best friend. We had what I thought was a great life together, with a long future.

On Feb 26th, I found out I was getting divorced. I never knew there were problems serious enough for divorce. I was not offered a choice.. it was not presented as, "Unless this changes… I want a divorce".

Over the past couple of months, the good man I thought I knew has just… vanished. I don't know if I was wrong about him all this time, or if he's really changed. Or maybe the difference is just the difference between him acting like he cares, and him acting like he doesn't care.

So, what happens now?

So, about two months ago, my husband of 10 years (we'd been together 14), announced that he wanted a divorce. His stated reasons were that he wanted to have children, and I don't, and that I want to move out of the state I've lived in since 1970, and he doesn't.

When I explained to him that I didn't want to move out of state enough to divorce him, he made this dismissive gesture with his hand, as if to say it didn't matter.

Now, I'm 42 years old. As far as I'm concerned, the 'baby-boat' sailed. In fact, three years ago, I talked to him about having children. I explained that I was almost 40, and that if we wanted to have children, it needed to happen then. He told me he didn't want to have children. A few months later, my OB/GYN recommended an IUD. Since I suspicious about his sudden change of heart, I talked to him again about whether or not he wanted children before I had a long term birth control device inserted. Again, he said he did not want kids. That was the last time we discussed children, until the day he told me he wanted a divorce because of it.

Now, the truth is, things hadn't been great. But I'd always believed he was my best friend. I really believed we could and would work it out.

And, the thing is.. its bullshit. He may actually want children, but, really, he was looking for something I couldn't argue with. At 42, the risks to me and to a baby were higher than I was willing to take. He knew I couldn't just say "Well, lets have a baby!" So, I don't even know the real reason we're getting divorced, because he thinks he can't talk to me. And there you have it. My best friend thinks he can't talk to me.

So, now I'm single. I haven't been single since I was 20. I don't even know what to do now.